Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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