my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
