I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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