We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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