and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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