You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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