Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
