I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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