my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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