that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
