No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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