Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
