I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
