Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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