If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
