I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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