I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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