how hairy? two words: wookie tits
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
