For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
