i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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