ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My liver just broke up with me...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
soo... how was my night?
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