how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
