WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
