so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
