Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Michael Bay diarrhea
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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