you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
