I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
