it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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