im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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