Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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