I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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