Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
