This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
