I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
