Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
