well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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