oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
