I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
