youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
