im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
