i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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