whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
