I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
