I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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