It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
