so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
