guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
