if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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