addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
