I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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