THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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