I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
