Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
