I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
