Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
