You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
