yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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