I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
