I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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