But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
