I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
