I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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