I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
