I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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