omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
