it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
