That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
