it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
